everyday that passed, i wondered if this was going to work out. i didnt realize that she would be right. that even if it didnt work out with him, i would still benefit from it. she was so sure that he would hurt me. she's wrong - i ended up hurting him. these things im feeling, i feel as much pain as he feels. this entire experience is something i didnt expect. but i dont regret it. because he's the only one who has ever shown me how to live. i owe you both of you.

memories of you haunt me in my sleep.everytime i close my eyes i see your face.when im in pain, all i think about is how much i hurt you.when i think about how scared i am, all i can hear you telling me that everything is ok and that you will always be here to take care of me.you say you know more about me than i do you.but what you didnt think about is how much you mean to me and how you coming into my life changed evrything. there's so much that you still dont know and you may never give me the chance to tell you what hasnt been spoken of. i wish you would let me give to you you what you gave me. i cannot find a reason for me to live. because you showed me how to live and then you left. rugger, im sorry....more than you will ever know.

you said you wouldn't hurt me, but you ended up doing just that. so why didnt you just kill me? it's the same thing. you're killing me slowly and everyday it gets worse....

your words drive a knife into my heart. with every minute that passes by that you avoid me, it cuts deeper....destroying the part of me that finally learned how to live. you showed me how to live and you left me. wherever you are, you carry a piece of me with you. you just havent realized it yet. someday you will. you may have forgotten about me right now, but someday you'll remember me and it will be too late. you remain imprinted upon my heart and in my mind.....